aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
