so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
