He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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