I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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