I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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