Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
