Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
