I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
