Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
