Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your cock deserves a montage
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
