either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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