He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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