It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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