did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
