dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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