Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
