He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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