I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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