Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
