My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
