I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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