C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
