Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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