ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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