Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
