dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
