Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
