I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
