just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
