Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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