just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
