you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize