you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
