dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize