I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
