new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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