I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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