Who did Billy Mays play for?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
