Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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