I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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