He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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