found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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