Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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