My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
