I want to have your abortion
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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