I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
