i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You were trust falling into bushes
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
