moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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