Umm I'm too high to move.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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