I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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