Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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