i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You dont lie about slip and slides
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
