thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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