Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
