This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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