y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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