Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
