i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
