I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
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I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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