In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
