I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
