I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
