my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
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they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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