Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
