I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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