I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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