I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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