The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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