he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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