lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
