im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
