My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
