Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
