So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
