Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
