I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
