he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
