Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
